7 Wherefore, it must needs be an infinite atonement—save it should be an infinite atonement this corruption could not put on incorruption. Wherefore, the first judgment which came upon man must needs have remained to an endless duration. And if so, this flesh must have laid down to rot and to crumble to its mother earth, to rise no more.
8 O the wisdom of God, his mercy and grace! For behold, if the flesh should rise no more our spirits must become subject to that angel who fell from before the presence of the Eternal God, and became the devil, to rise no more.
9 And our spirits must have become like unto him, and we become devils, angels to a devil, to be shut out from the presence of our God, and to remain with the father of lies, in misery, like unto himself; yea, to that being who beguiled our first parents, who transformeth himself nigh unto an angel of light, andstirreth up the children of men unto secret combinations of murder and all manner of secret works of darkness.
10 O how great the goodness of our God, who prepareth a way for our escape from the grasp of this awful monster; yea, that monster, death and hell, which I call the death of the body, and also the death of the spirit.
For those of you who don't know, my husband has struggled with depression for many years, and you can read a little about my journey with that here. There was a time in our marriage where his depression caused him to not want to go out and see anyone and he became inactive from church. That was hard.
It has never been hard for me to go to church, I always go (unless I am severely ill), but there was one time that I almost left. When my husband was inactive, the ward we were in was a college ward so there were no families, just husbands and wives. So as you can imagine, it is really really really awkward if your husband misses over and over again and you have to sit alone. I felt like everyone was staring at me, but I still went.
One Sunday in particular was harder than the other ones and I really don't know why it was so hard but it just was. I went to Sacrament meeting and sat alone, then I went to Sunday School and sat alone, and during Sunday School I felt a little relieved when I thought to myself, "I can't wait for Relief Society because then I won't be alone," to only hear an announcement at the end of class that Priesthood and Relief Society were going to be combined. I HAD ENOUGH!!! I walked out the doorway, watched everyone walk into the room where Relief Society/Priesthood was meeting and I turned the other way and began to leave. I honestly wasn't planning on going inactive and never coming again, I honestly decided this would be a one time thing and I was going to go home (p.s. if you leave once, you'll most assuredly leave again).
Before I made it to the Church EXIT, I saw a picture hanging on the wall. It was a picture of the Savior with open arms extended towards me. As I looked over the painting of Christ, the words filled my mind, "You are not here for social reasons and to have someone to sit next to, you are here because YOU NEED HIM." I turned back around and joined the class. The lesson that hour focused on a subject that prepared me for my next trial that came into my life days later and I was more prepared because of it.
I don't go to church to make friends, I go to Church because I need my Savior. He has saved me. He has healed pain that I thought could never go away. He has lifted my burdens and He has forgiven my sins. I need Him. I love Him.
Love,
Becky joy
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