Alma 50
1 And now it came to pass that Moroni did not stop making preparations for war, or to defend his people against the Lamanites; for he caused that his armies should commence in the commencement of the twentieth year of the reign of the judges, that they should commence in digging up heaps of earth round about all the cities, throughout all the land which was possessed by the Nephites.
Even once the battle or trial seems over, do not stop preparing!! For me I pray really hard when I am in trials, my prayers are more passionate, my scripture study is better, my fasting is more meaningful, and then if things are well then everything becomes more of a checklist thing. My armor weakens. I CANNOT AFFORD WEAK ARMOR ANYMORE!! Satan is too good, and my trials are so so hard.
23 But behold there never was a happier time among the people of Nephi, since the days of Nephi, than in the days of Moroni, yea, even at this time, in the twenty and first year of the reign of the judges.
This scripture stuck out to me. I am sure I am not alone as a parent, but I really wish I was a better one. Perhaps reading my scriptures in a more meaningful way will help me. I sure hope so. I felt frustrated a couple years ago because I was listening to conference talks daily and reading my scriptures, praying for help...but I still was a horrible horrible parent. My patience was very slim. I guess I felt forsaken and alone in my parenting. I just want to be a good parent!!! I want the gifts of the spirit that are promised to people who work to live close to Heavenly Father.
Friday, October 20, 2017
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Prepared.
Alma 49: 8
8 But behold, to their uttermost astonishment, they were prepared for them, in a manner which never had been known among the children of Lehi. Now they were prepared for the Lamanites, to battle after the manner of the instructions of Moroni.
In this last conference a couple weeks ago, President Henry B. Eyring's General Conference talk stood out to me when he explained how he followed the Prophet's counsel from the prior General Conference to study the Book of Mormon every single day. Elder Eyring of course hadn't missed a day of reading for over 50 YEARS, but instead of deciding that counsel wasn't for him and dismissing himself, he took the counsel to heart and not only continued his daily scripture study, but added to it, by studying his scriptures more deeply.
That hit me hard and then it hit me even harder when he explained the blessings he received from doing this especially when he said he had been given an extra ability to hear "the Spirit more distinctly".
Can I just say how I was given the same exact counsel in a priesthood blessing with the same exact blessing promised to me only days before?! I felt like that talk was made for me, like God had been watching over me.
Anyway, it has been on my mind, yes I am working on not just going through the motions of scripture reading, but also working on studying harder because I need that promise so much in my life!!!
Just thought I would share for anyone else who needs this just as much as I did/do.
While reading this chapter, it hit me, that while I was reading my scriptures daily, it was more going through the motions and when trials came, I felt abandoned from God. I couldn't hear Him, I couldn't feel Him, I felt like He was angry at me for being a horrible Mother to my sweet children. I am realizing, I WAS NOT PREPARED for my trials. And while I was prepared enough to not lose my testimony, my testimony weakened instead of strengthened and I am still trying to get where I once was. I am working on reading my scriptures more fully and studying them and praying harder. I need to be prepared for what's next. My spirit can't afford another hit without maximum preparation!!!
Love, Becky joy
8 But behold, to their uttermost astonishment, they were prepared for them, in a manner which never had been known among the children of Lehi. Now they were prepared for the Lamanites, to battle after the manner of the instructions of Moroni.
In this last conference a couple weeks ago, President Henry B. Eyring's General Conference talk stood out to me when he explained how he followed the Prophet's counsel from the prior General Conference to study the Book of Mormon every single day. Elder Eyring of course hadn't missed a day of reading for over 50 YEARS, but instead of deciding that counsel wasn't for him and dismissing himself, he took the counsel to heart and not only continued his daily scripture study, but added to it, by studying his scriptures more deeply.
That hit me hard and then it hit me even harder when he explained the blessings he received from doing this especially when he said he had been given an extra ability to hear "the Spirit more distinctly".
Can I just say how I was given the same exact counsel in a priesthood blessing with the same exact blessing promised to me only days before?! I felt like that talk was made for me, like God had been watching over me.
Anyway, it has been on my mind, yes I am working on not just going through the motions of scripture reading, but also working on studying harder because I need that promise so much in my life!!!
Just thought I would share for anyone else who needs this just as much as I did/do.
While reading this chapter, it hit me, that while I was reading my scriptures daily, it was more going through the motions and when trials came, I felt abandoned from God. I couldn't hear Him, I couldn't feel Him, I felt like He was angry at me for being a horrible Mother to my sweet children. I am realizing, I WAS NOT PREPARED for my trials. And while I was prepared enough to not lose my testimony, my testimony weakened instead of strengthened and I am still trying to get where I once was. I am working on reading my scriptures more fully and studying them and praying harder. I need to be prepared for what's next. My spirit can't afford another hit without maximum preparation!!!
Love, Becky joy
Thursday, October 12, 2017
Even though God delivered them, they still had to step forward and fight Alma 44
Here I am reading chapters 43 and 44 of Alma and really trying hard to relate it to my own life to get the most of the scriptures. And it hits me, I HATE TRIALS. And I often ask "Why Me Lord? I thought you would provide an easier path for me. What did I do wrong to deserve this?'
I don't know why those are always my first thoughts and resentment is a feeling I often feel. I know it isn't right, but part of me also wonders if God really cares about me. If He really does love me. If He really does hear my prayers and want to bless me ever in the ways I desire. Usually blessings are so much smaller than I imagine.
For example, since I got married, we have moved several times. Like 3 times a year several. My husband really only had 1 maybe 2 really successful work years where he made enough money for us to live comfortingly. While the rest of the years, we have been so so poor. So I imagined once this trial was over that God would provide us with a really really really good job to make up for the really really really hard years.
One time a few years back he got a management job in between summers of working at Vivint, and he only made 1800$ a month before taxes. Which is nothing. And now he finally got another job while it is the off year of Vivint, and believe me when I say, we want to be done with vivint, and he only makes 30K a year with zero benefits. And since there are no benefits, he will only get paid that if he never takes days off. Like he makes 16$ and hour and I figured that amount by figuring out if he worked 40 hours a week, 52 weeks of the year. Which he probably won't after holidays, vacation, and sick days.
These blessings confuse me. I guess I imagined so much more for us. My brother who is inactive in the church makes 80k a year. My sister who lived with a nonmember and then married him and is inactive herself makes 90k a year. I know money isn't everything, but 30k a year is just so so so tight for a family of almost 5. Will we ever be able to move out of living with my parents?? Will we ever be able to take our family to Disneyland? Will we ever get our mattress off of the floor and into a real bedframe? Will we even be able to afford rent, clothes, gas, groceries (things that you will die if you don't have??) Will we ever be able to pay off our credit card debt? Or buy a home?
Right now I just don't know the answer to these questions. I am confused why the Lord sees this as needing to be my trial. I just don't understand why after all these years, in a blessing I was told this trial would be over soon, and here almost a year later we are still going through it: no money, no home, trying to figure out where to move to.
Anyway, I went on forever, sorry. But as I was reading these scriptures, it hit me how much they viewed the Lord as delivering them and blessing them as they were having to shed blood and protect their lives and their families lives. They didn't complain, they didn't ask "why me?" Instead they just were like, "well we are righteous, we know that, and God is on our side taking care of us while we go through this."
I long to be more like that. I am not like that at all. I need to show more integrity and be more like Joseph of Egypt, who viewed his LONG HARD path as the path that led him to save his family's lives. He didn't complain, He stuck with God through it all. I want to be more like that. I want to have
I don't know why those are always my first thoughts and resentment is a feeling I often feel. I know it isn't right, but part of me also wonders if God really cares about me. If He really does love me. If He really does hear my prayers and want to bless me ever in the ways I desire. Usually blessings are so much smaller than I imagine.
For example, since I got married, we have moved several times. Like 3 times a year several. My husband really only had 1 maybe 2 really successful work years where he made enough money for us to live comfortingly. While the rest of the years, we have been so so poor. So I imagined once this trial was over that God would provide us with a really really really good job to make up for the really really really hard years.
One time a few years back he got a management job in between summers of working at Vivint, and he only made 1800$ a month before taxes. Which is nothing. And now he finally got another job while it is the off year of Vivint, and believe me when I say, we want to be done with vivint, and he only makes 30K a year with zero benefits. And since there are no benefits, he will only get paid that if he never takes days off. Like he makes 16$ and hour and I figured that amount by figuring out if he worked 40 hours a week, 52 weeks of the year. Which he probably won't after holidays, vacation, and sick days.
These blessings confuse me. I guess I imagined so much more for us. My brother who is inactive in the church makes 80k a year. My sister who lived with a nonmember and then married him and is inactive herself makes 90k a year. I know money isn't everything, but 30k a year is just so so so tight for a family of almost 5. Will we ever be able to move out of living with my parents?? Will we ever be able to take our family to Disneyland? Will we ever get our mattress off of the floor and into a real bedframe? Will we even be able to afford rent, clothes, gas, groceries (things that you will die if you don't have??) Will we ever be able to pay off our credit card debt? Or buy a home?
Right now I just don't know the answer to these questions. I am confused why the Lord sees this as needing to be my trial. I just don't understand why after all these years, in a blessing I was told this trial would be over soon, and here almost a year later we are still going through it: no money, no home, trying to figure out where to move to.
Anyway, I went on forever, sorry. But as I was reading these scriptures, it hit me how much they viewed the Lord as delivering them and blessing them as they were having to shed blood and protect their lives and their families lives. They didn't complain, they didn't ask "why me?" Instead they just were like, "well we are righteous, we know that, and God is on our side taking care of us while we go through this."
I long to be more like that. I am not like that at all. I need to show more integrity and be more like Joseph of Egypt, who viewed his LONG HARD path as the path that led him to save his family's lives. He didn't complain, He stuck with God through it all. I want to be more like that. I want to have
Sunday, October 8, 2017
Alma 42
30 O my son, I desire that ye should deny the justice of God no more. Do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least point because of your sins, by denying the justice of God; but do you let the justice of God, and his mercy, and his long-suffering have full sway in your heart; and let it bring you down to the dust in humility
Sometimes it shocks me that the Lord still wants me even with all my imperfections. I often think that because of my short failings, that He is mad at me and doesn't have love for me, but instead I find the opposite to be true. He does want me to repent, He did still die for me even when I fall short over and over again, it is humbling to turn to Him with those feelings, and He does send His love.
His love by the way, is thee best feeling in the whole world. Much much better than chocolate.
Sometimes it shocks me that the Lord still wants me even with all my imperfections. I often think that because of my short failings, that He is mad at me and doesn't have love for me, but instead I find the opposite to be true. He does want me to repent, He did still die for me even when I fall short over and over again, it is humbling to turn to Him with those feelings, and He does send His love.
His love by the way, is thee best feeling in the whole world. Much much better than chocolate.
Monday, October 2, 2017
"Doth He not leave the ninety and nine" Mathew 18:12
This morning I am preparing to go Visiting Teaching and the October Visiting Teaching message is all about what to do when a loved such as a sibling, strays from the Church.
My favorite line I think from the article is the very last line which says
"God has devised means to save each of His children."
We of course need to simply love that person and pray for them, and God can direct us as we do. I can't help but think of myself who has needed the saving lately. My testimony is very confused. I have felt forsaken and alone. My husband and I are falling more and more in debt and are now living with my parents. I am expecting a baby in less than 5 weeks and I am not sure where we are going to even be having this baby. Weston was told about this one job is SLC about a year ago and has gone in several times for an interview, only to find out the guy wasn't even planning on being there.
Well he finally got an interview a month ago and we still haven't heard anything. Yesterday while listening to General Conference #ldsconf it started to hit me that after all this time put into hoping he gets this job, there is a chance that the feelings of peace that I have had about this job might actually just mean comfort that my life was never going to stop coexisting with Vivint summer after vivint summer and that was going to be OK. I went down to my room because my brother noticed tears welling up in my eyes and I just wanted to be alone and unnoticed. I bawled. I bawled and I prayed asking Heavenly Father to just tell me NO if it was a No. I was confused why sometimes He sends peace when the answer is No, when the scriptures say that if it be right then he will send a burning in your bosom, and if it's a No then you will have a stupor of thought. Why do the scriptures say that when peace often means No as well?!
This morning though, as I was reading my scriptures, it hit me that I had recently received a Priesthood Blessing from my Dad advising me to study my scriptures more deeply and to pray to the Lord as I was reading. I have been doing this and my prayers have been lots and lots of questions. I have not received the answers, but the Lord knew that I would be having lots of questions and He thought about me. This morning as this came to my realization, I realized He is trying to save me from losing my testimony.
My favorite line I think from the article is the very last line which says
"God has devised means to save each of His children."
We of course need to simply love that person and pray for them, and God can direct us as we do. I can't help but think of myself who has needed the saving lately. My testimony is very confused. I have felt forsaken and alone. My husband and I are falling more and more in debt and are now living with my parents. I am expecting a baby in less than 5 weeks and I am not sure where we are going to even be having this baby. Weston was told about this one job is SLC about a year ago and has gone in several times for an interview, only to find out the guy wasn't even planning on being there.
Well he finally got an interview a month ago and we still haven't heard anything. Yesterday while listening to General Conference #ldsconf it started to hit me that after all this time put into hoping he gets this job, there is a chance that the feelings of peace that I have had about this job might actually just mean comfort that my life was never going to stop coexisting with Vivint summer after vivint summer and that was going to be OK. I went down to my room because my brother noticed tears welling up in my eyes and I just wanted to be alone and unnoticed. I bawled. I bawled and I prayed asking Heavenly Father to just tell me NO if it was a No. I was confused why sometimes He sends peace when the answer is No, when the scriptures say that if it be right then he will send a burning in your bosom, and if it's a No then you will have a stupor of thought. Why do the scriptures say that when peace often means No as well?!
This morning though, as I was reading my scriptures, it hit me that I had recently received a Priesthood Blessing from my Dad advising me to study my scriptures more deeply and to pray to the Lord as I was reading. I have been doing this and my prayers have been lots and lots of questions. I have not received the answers, but the Lord knew that I would be having lots of questions and He thought about me. This morning as this came to my realization, I realized He is trying to save me from losing my testimony.
Friday, September 29, 2017
"Cry unto the Lord" Alma 38
Verse 8: 8 And it came to pass that I was three days and three nights in the most bitter pain and anguish of soul; and never, until I did cry out unto the Lord Jesus Christ for mercy, did I receive a remission of my sins. But behold, I did cry unto him and I did find peace to my soul.
I have noticed in my scripture study that they often use the term "cry unto the Lord" or in this case, Alma says him referring to the Lord. They rarely use the term pray(ed).
This is really sticking out to me. And it makes me look back at the times I did cry while I prayed. I was desperate for help, I was willing to pray on my knees when usually I pray laying down in bed, I was humble and just needed the Lord so so so much....And the crazy thing is that after I do this, He responds much faster than my other prayers.
Then I think, well maybe I should always cry about EVERYTHING. But that is kind of fake humility, and trying to get what I want. I don't feel like I need the things, I feel like I want the thing. I want to always feel humble and be genuine in my humbleness, but it can be hard for sure.
This summer I cried, okay I bawled on my knees and begged the Lord for this past summer to be our last summer with my husband working for Vivint. And this time we have ended a summer and instead of my usual "pick wherever you want to live" scenario, the Lord has told me to wait. We are living with my parents with 3000$ negative dollars and my husband has actually been applying for jobs...hallelujah!!!
After praying so so very hard for this for so long, the Lord didn't soften my husband's heart until after my crying (bawling) prayer. It has been frustrating to say the least watching my husband come home with promises of applying for jobs and then sits around being grumpy because we don't have very much money.
I have noticed in my scripture study that they often use the term "cry unto the Lord" or in this case, Alma says him referring to the Lord. They rarely use the term pray(ed).
This is really sticking out to me. And it makes me look back at the times I did cry while I prayed. I was desperate for help, I was willing to pray on my knees when usually I pray laying down in bed, I was humble and just needed the Lord so so so much....And the crazy thing is that after I do this, He responds much faster than my other prayers.
Then I think, well maybe I should always cry about EVERYTHING. But that is kind of fake humility, and trying to get what I want. I don't feel like I need the things, I feel like I want the thing. I want to always feel humble and be genuine in my humbleness, but it can be hard for sure.
This summer I cried, okay I bawled on my knees and begged the Lord for this past summer to be our last summer with my husband working for Vivint. And this time we have ended a summer and instead of my usual "pick wherever you want to live" scenario, the Lord has told me to wait. We are living with my parents with 3000$ negative dollars and my husband has actually been applying for jobs...hallelujah!!!
After praying so so very hard for this for so long, the Lord didn't soften my husband's heart until after my crying (bawling) prayer. It has been frustrating to say the least watching my husband come home with promises of applying for jobs and then sits around being grumpy because we don't have very much money.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Wealth...a blessing or a trial? Alma Chapter 1
29 And now, because of the steadiness of the church they began to be exceedingly arich, having abundance of all things whatsoever they stood in need—an abundance of flocks and herds, and fatlings of every kind, and also abundance of grain, and of gold, and of silver, and of precious things, and abundance of bsilk and fine-twined linen, and all manner of good homely ccloth.
30 And thus, in their aprosperous circumstances, they did not send away any who were bnaked, or that were hungry, or that were athirst, or that were sick, or that had not been nourished; and they did not set their hearts upon criches; therefore they were dliberal to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, whether out of the church or in the church, having no erespect to persons as to those who stood in need.
There have been times in my life where I went through phases (my husband doesn't believe me when I call it a phase...he says it's more like a daily hobby) of spending lots of money. For example, when I was in High school, my parents taught me to get a job when I turned 16, but then after each paycheck I would go clothes shopping. It was fun in the moment and I enjoyed having cute clothes for once in my life, but it never made me happy. In fact there were many times after dropping a lot of money on myself that I actually felt robbed of happiness.
I even remember feeling so depressed after buying a bunch of clothes that I turned around and returned the clothes. I know the worker people were annoyed at me, but I felt so much better inside after doing that.
Today while I was scrolling through my instagram feed, I read the quote posted by the LDSChurch "Unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives."
-Thomas S. Monson
I wish I would have figured that out earlier. I am just barely starting to realize how true that statement is. On days that I think of myself I get depressed and I feel anxiety strangling my heart. I never realized that it was my lack of service causing that. The past couple weeks I have been trying to pray and find ways to serve. I have felt oodles (I never use that word, so weird that is the word I thought to use) of joy fill my soul. I have loved it so so so so so much. Thank you Heavenly Father for being patient with me as I am learning obvious things.
Love,
Becky joy
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