A Stranger Unto Him.

Mosiah 5: 11-13

11 And I would that ye should remember also, that this is the name that I said I should give unto you that never should be blotted out, except it be through transgression; therefore, take heed that ye do not transgress, that the name be not blotted out of your hearts.

12 I say unto you, I would that ye should remember to retain the name written always in your hearts, that ye are not found on the left hand of God, but that ye hear and know the voice by which ye shall be called, and also, the name by which he shall call you.

13 For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?

     How do you write the Savior into your heart?  Time.  Time is crucial for all relationships.  If you don't spend time with a person, you are simply uncomfortable with them and most likely don't trust them either.  

     At my wedding, every relative came into town, including random cousins, uncles, aunts, and yes...even grandparents that I wasn't very familiar with. I remember my Grandpa, whom I saw maybe on two occasions in my life, came over to me and tried to kiss me, and I distinctly remember pulling away trying to avoid those random wrinkly lips.  It was, well awkward.

     The same goes for the Savior.  If we don't spend time with Him, how will we know and trust Him when revelation or a spiritual experience does press upon us.  There are those of us who maybe have only truly visited with Him through prayer, church attendance, daily scripture study... a handful of times, and when we need Him, His answers may not seem reliable.  You may not trust Him, because you don't know Him.  

  

I have Graven Thee Upon The Palms of My Hands.

Book of Mormon- 1 Nephi 21

14 But, behold, Zion hath said: The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me—but he will show that he hath not.

15 For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.

16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

     I have a brother who has left the church.  He has not been active for probably a good 8 years, and prior to his short activity, he was quite inactive.  He told me that he does not want to be a part of a church where everyone acts without thinking.  We just do what a prophet tells us, and we are like robots, not thinking for ourselves.

      How untrue, that is.  The thing is, even though my brother is not sure if he believes in God, God still remembers him.  Someday my brother will see all those moments the Lord did not forsake him.  For now, I will pray for my brother to see the light for himself.  

And it came to pass that the Lord commanded me, wherefore I did.

Nephi's words when the Lord commanded him to do something, " And it came to pass that the Lord commanded me, wherefore I did..."

     Here Nephi, had no idea for the reason the Lord asked him to do it, but out of his love for God, he just did, and now I am reading the words daily.  For those of you who don't know, the first record got lost after it was translated, and so Joseph Smith had to use these words prepared by Nephi, as the scriptures for the restoration of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  Without Nephi's obedience to Heavenly Father, we would not have had scriptures to read!!!

      I want to try and be a better person as well.  More obedient. I think not knowing the reason for things can often be a reason to not do the things the Lord asks, but perhaps, and when I say perhaps, I mean obviously, it is not!

God is in the details.

Sometimes after my scripture study, I didn't quite get the spiritual experience I so desire, and so I will read or listen to a conference talk.  Tonight I decided to read Elder Rasband's talk entiteld "By Divine Design".
   

Tonight I was craving a peaceful spirit and right now in my scripture study, I am in Ether, in the chapters where everyone is murdering each other, so I decided to read Elder Rasband's talk from #ldsconf.

This quote really stood out to me, when he is talking about God's involvement in our lives:

"But allow Him to make more of you than you can make of yourself on your own. Treasure His involvement. Sometimes we consider changes in our plans as missteps on our journey. Think of them more as first steps to being “on the Lord’s errand.”

Okay, I am a BIG believer to the words "changes in our plans" because seriously, my life never goes the way I see it. And most the time I fight the change, but I love how Elder Rasband counsels to allow God to make more of us, than we can make of ourselves.

If my life went according to my plan, I wouldn't grow much. LIfe would be easy. But each time, my plans change, while it is hard, I become stronger for it, I gain new skills, I meet humility and a deeper love for others.

It is a compliment, that my Heavenly Father has "changed my plans" because He is seeing me for what I can be more so than I am seeing it myself. I love this. God is good.

Ether 13 The words of a Prophet

In this chapter, the people were given a Prophet to watch over them and to teach them how to be safe, what a blessing!!  Yet, they rejected him and chased him out of the land and in return they met wars, contention, bloodshed...much unhappiness. 

     It always amazes me how people become when they don't follow Christ.  Like seriously...they become murderers.  Isn't that so sad?  You get so much hate inside of you that you want to kill someone.  The very first person who strayed and followed Satan murdered his own brother (Cain and Able).  It's just weird and sad.

      I see this very much in the world in this very day.  Almost every. single. day. now there is a shooting on the news, most likely kids being killed in their schools.  It is so sad and I really do not understand this at all.  All I can say is that the trend in the scriptures, is that when people rebel, they become murderers.  It is just so so so sad.  

     On the other hand, people who follow the Savior and his Prophets get excited when faced with an opportunity to serve.  They have a Zion like peace about them that attracts people to them.  Their happiness is bright.

     This is the kind of person I want to be  I want to be like my Savior.  I want to follow the Prophet and I am so very thankful that the Lord still provides one today.    

The Lord Looketh on the Heart Moses chapters 6 and 7

What amazes me in these chapters, is that Enoch was so surprised someone actually found favor in him.  I imagine this was because of the way the people in the world act towards someone who is different, in his case, problems with his speech. 
     But the Lord saw past that.  The Lord knew that Enoch's heart was good, and in fact so good, that he chose Enoch to be a leader which led to a community of Zion like people who were so good that nothing could destroy them.  I just think that is so amazing.  What an amazing example that I want to follow. 

Unwearyingness

Helaman 10

4 Blessed art thou, Nephi, for those things which thou hast done; for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee, unto this people. And thou hast not feared them, and hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will, and to keep my commandments.

5 And now, because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness, behold, I will bless thee forever; and I will make thee mighty in word and in deed, in faith and in works; yea, even that all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word, for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will.

Right before I sat down to read my scriptures, I started looking at my primary lesson feeling pretty annoyed that I once again was called into primary and that it definitely wasn't a calling from the Lord because why would He want me to do it when I had no desire or really patience with children and then I sit down to read these scriptures and feel humbled by Nephi's example of unwearyingness with his assignments.  

Part of the reason why is because I love the way the Lord favors Him and looks at Him as so special and gives Nephi any desire he has in the world knowing that their desires will match.  I love this and since I have read this passage I have been praying today that I can be more like Nephi even in my primary calling.  <3

Love, Becky joy

When the Battle is Over.

Alma 50

1 And now it came to pass that Moroni did not stop making preparations for war, or to defend his people against the Lamanites; for he caused that his armies should commence in the commencement of the twentieth year of the reign of the judges, that they should commence in digging up heaps of earth round about all the cities, throughout all the land which was possessed by the Nephites.

       Even once the battle or trial seems over, do not stop preparing!!  For me I pray really hard when I am in trials, my prayers are more passionate, my scripture study is better, my fasting is more meaningful, and then if things are well then everything becomes more of a checklist thing.  My armor weakens.  I CANNOT AFFORD WEAK ARMOR ANYMORE!!  Satan is too good, and my trials are so so hard.

23 But behold there never was a happier time among the people of Nephi, since the days of Nephi, than in the days of Moroni, yea, even at this time, in the twenty and first year of the reign of the judges.

    This scripture stuck out to me.  I am sure I am not alone as a parent, but I really wish I was a better one.  Perhaps reading my scriptures in a more meaningful way will help me.  I sure hope so.  I felt frustrated a couple years ago because I was listening to conference talks daily and reading my scriptures, praying for help...but I still was a horrible horrible parent.  My patience was very slim.  I guess I felt forsaken and alone in my parenting.  I just want to be a good parent!!!  I want the gifts of the spirit that are promised to people who work to live close to Heavenly Father.

Prepared.

Alma 49: 8

8 But behold, to their uttermost astonishment, they were prepared for them, in a manner which never had been known among the children of Lehi. Now they were prepared for the Lamanites, to battle after the manner of the instructions of Moroni.

   In this last conference a couple weeks ago, President Henry B. Eyring's General Conference talk stood out to me when he explained how he followed the Prophet's counsel from the prior General Conference to study the Book of Mormon every single day.  Elder Eyring of course hadn't missed a day of reading for over 50 YEARS, but instead of deciding that counsel wasn't for him and dismissing himself, he took the counsel to heart and not only continued his daily scripture study, but added to it, by studying his scriptures more deeply. 
   That hit me hard and then it hit me even harder when he explained the blessings he received from doing this especially when he said he had been given an extra ability to hear "the Spirit more distinctly".
     Can I just say how I was given the same exact counsel in a priesthood blessing with the same exact blessing promised to me only days before?!  I felt like that talk was made for me, like God had been watching over me.  
    Anyway, it has been on my mind, yes I am working on not just going through the motions of scripture reading, but also working on studying harder because I need that promise so much in my life!!!
      Just thought I would share for anyone else who needs this just as much as I did/do.

     While reading this chapter, it hit me, that while I was reading my scriptures daily, it was more going through the motions and when trials came, I felt abandoned from God.  I couldn't hear Him, I couldn't feel Him, I felt like He was angry at me for being a horrible Mother to my sweet children.  I am realizing, I WAS NOT PREPARED for my trials.  And while I was prepared enough to not lose my testimony, my testimony weakened instead of strengthened and I am still trying to get where I once was.  I am working on reading my scriptures more fully and studying them and praying harder.  I need to be prepared for what's next.  My spirit can't afford another hit without maximum preparation!!!

Love, Becky joy

Even though God delivered them, they still had to step forward and fight Alma 44

     Here I am reading chapters 43 and 44 of Alma and really trying hard to relate it to my own life to get the most of the scriptures.  And it hits me, I HATE TRIALS.  And I often ask "Why Me Lord?  I thought you would provide an easier path for me.  What did I do wrong to deserve this?'

    I don't know why those are always my first thoughts and resentment is a feeling I often feel.  I know it isn't right, but part of me also wonders if God really cares about me.  If He really does love me.  If He really does hear my prayers and want to bless me ever in the ways I desire.  Usually blessings are so much smaller than I imagine.

     For example, since I got married, we have moved several times.  Like 3 times a year several.  My husband really only had 1 maybe 2 really successful work years where he made enough money for us to live comfortingly.  While the rest of the years, we have been so so poor.  So I imagined once this trial was over that God would provide us with a really really really good job to make up for the really really really hard years.

    One time a few years back he got a management job in between summers of working at Vivint, and he only made 1800$ a month before taxes.  Which is nothing.  And now he finally got another job while it is the off year of Vivint, and believe me when I say, we want to be done with vivint, and he only makes 30K a year with zero benefits.  And since there are no benefits, he will only get paid that if he never takes days off.  Like he makes 16$ and hour and I figured that amount by figuring out if he worked 40 hours a week, 52 weeks of the year.  Which he probably won't after holidays, vacation, and sick days. 

    These blessings confuse me.  I guess I imagined so much more for us.  My brother who is inactive in the church makes 80k a year.  My sister who lived with a nonmember and then married him and is inactive herself makes 90k a year.   I know money isn't everything, but 30k a year is just so so so tight for a family of almost 5.  Will we ever be able to move out of living with my parents??  Will we ever be able to take our family to Disneyland?  Will we ever get our mattress off of the floor and into a real bedframe?  Will we even be able to afford rent, clothes, gas, groceries  (things that you will die if you don't have??)  Will we ever be able to pay off our credit card debt? Or buy a home?

    Right now I just don't know the answer to these questions.  I am confused why the Lord sees this as needing to be my trial.  I just don't understand why after all these years, in a blessing I was told this trial would be over soon, and here almost a year later we are still going through it: no money, no home, trying to figure out where to move to.

     Anyway, I went on forever, sorry.  But as I was reading these scriptures, it hit me how much they viewed the Lord as delivering them and blessing them as they were having to shed blood and protect their lives and their families lives.  They didn't complain, they didn't ask "why me?"  Instead they just were like, "well we are righteous, we know that, and God is on our side taking care of us while we go through this."

     I long to be more like that.  I am not like that at all.  I need to show more integrity and be more like Joseph of Egypt, who viewed his LONG HARD path as the path that led him to save his family's lives.  He didn't complain, He stuck with God through it all.  I want to be more like that.  I want to have

Alma 42

30 O my son, I desire that ye should deny the justice of God no more. Do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least point because of your sins, by denying the justice of God; but do you let the justice of God, and his mercy, and his long-suffering have full sway in your heart; and let it bring you down to the dust in humility

     Sometimes it shocks me that the Lord still wants me even with all my imperfections.  I often think that because of my short failings, that He is mad at me and doesn't have love for me, but instead I find the opposite to be true.  He does want me to repent, He did still die for me even when I fall short over and over again, it is humbling to turn to Him with those feelings, and He does send His love.

    His love by the way, is thee best feeling in the whole world.  Much much better than chocolate.

"Doth He not leave the ninety and nine" Mathew 18:12

    This morning I am preparing to go Visiting Teaching and the October Visiting Teaching message is all about what to do when a loved such as a sibling, strays from the Church. 
     My favorite line I think from the article is the very last line which says

        "God has devised means to save each of His children."

     We of course need to simply love that person and pray for them, and God can direct us as we do.  I can't help but think of myself who has needed the saving lately.  My testimony is very confused.  I have felt forsaken and alone.  My husband and I are falling more and more in debt and are now living with my parents.  I am expecting a baby in less than 5 weeks and I am not sure where we are going to even be having this baby. Weston was told about this one job is SLC about a year ago and has gone in several times for an interview, only to find out the guy wasn't even planning on being there. 

     Well he finally got an interview a month ago and we still haven't heard anything. Yesterday while listening to General Conference #ldsconf it started to hit me that after all this time put into hoping he gets this job, there is a chance that the feelings of peace that I have had about this job might actually just mean comfort that my life was never going to stop coexisting with Vivint summer after vivint summer and that was going to be OK.   I went down to my room because my brother noticed tears welling up in my eyes and I just wanted to be alone and unnoticed.  I bawled. I bawled and I prayed asking Heavenly Father to just tell me NO if it was a No.  I was confused why sometimes He sends peace when the answer is No, when the scriptures say that if it be right then he will send a burning in your bosom, and if it's a No then you will have a stupor of thought.  Why do the scriptures say that when peace often means No as well?!

     This morning though, as I was reading my scriptures, it hit me that I had recently received a Priesthood Blessing from my Dad advising me to study my scriptures more deeply and to pray to the Lord as I was reading.  I have been doing this and my prayers have been lots and lots of questions.  I have not received the answers, but the Lord knew that I would be having lots of questions and He thought about me.  This morning as this came to my realization, I realized He is trying to save me from losing my testimony. 

"Cry unto the Lord" Alma 38

Verse 8:  8 And it came to pass that I was three days and three nights in the most bitter pain and anguish of soul; and never, until I did cry out unto the Lord Jesus Christ for mercy, did I receive a remission of my sins. But behold, I did cry unto him and I did find peace to my soul.

     I have noticed in my scripture study that they often use the term "cry unto the Lord" or in this case, Alma says him referring to the Lord.  They rarely use the term pray(ed).  

     This is really sticking out to me.  And it makes me look back at the times I did cry while I prayed.  I was desperate for help, I was willing to pray on my knees when usually I pray laying down in bed, I was humble and just needed the Lord so so so much....And the crazy thing is that after I do this, He responds much faster than my other prayers.

     Then I think, well maybe I should always cry about EVERYTHING.  But that is kind of fake humility, and trying to get what I want.  I don't feel like I need the things, I feel like I want the thing.  I want to always feel humble and be genuine in my humbleness, but it can be hard for sure.

     This summer I cried, okay I bawled on my knees and begged the Lord for this past summer to be our last summer with my husband working for Vivint.  And this time we have ended a summer and instead of my usual "pick wherever you want to live"  scenario, the Lord has told me to wait.  We are living with my parents with 3000$ negative dollars and my husband has actually been applying for jobs...hallelujah!!!  

     After praying so so very hard for this for so long, the Lord didn't soften my husband's heart until after my crying (bawling) prayer.  It has been frustrating to say the least watching my husband come home with promises of applying for jobs and then sits around being grumpy because we don't have very much money.  
    

Wealth...a blessing or a trial? Alma Chapter 1

 29 And now, because of the steadiness of the church they began to be exceedingly ^arich, having abundance of all things whatsoever they stood in need—an abundance of flocks and herds, and fatlings of every kind, and also abundance of grain, and of gold, and of silver, and of precious things, and abundance of ^bsilk and fine-twined linen, and all manner of good homely ^ccloth.

 30 And thus, in their ^aprosperous circumstances, they did not send away any who were ^bnaked, or that were hungry, or that were athirst, or that were sick, or that had not been nourished; and they did not set their hearts upon ^criches; therefore they were ^dliberal to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, whether out of the church or in the church, having no ^erespect to persons as to those who stood in need.

 

     There have been times in my life where I went through phases (my husband doesn't believe me when I call it a phase...he says it's more like a daily hobby)  of spending lots of money.  For example, when I was in High school, my parents taught me to get a job when I turned 16, but then after each paycheck I would go clothes shopping.  It was fun in the moment and I enjoyed having cute clothes for once in my life, but it never made me happy.  In fact there were many times after dropping a lot of money on myself that I actually felt robbed of happiness.

     I even remember feeling so depressed after buying a bunch of clothes that I turned around and returned the clothes.  I know the worker people were annoyed at me, but I felt so much better inside after doing that.

     Today while I was scrolling through my instagram feed, I read the quote posted by the LDSChurch "Unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives." 

     -Thomas S. Monson

 

     I wish I would have figured that out earlier.  I am just barely starting to realize how true that statement is.  On days that I think of myself I get depressed and I feel anxiety strangling my heart. I never realized that it was my lack of service causing that.  The past couple weeks I have been trying to pray and find ways to serve.  I have felt oodles (I never use that word, so weird that is the word I thought to use) of joy fill my soul. I have loved it so so so so so much.  Thank you Heavenly Father for being patient with me as I am learning obvious things.

 

Love,

    Becky joy

 14 And they did ^ahumble themselves even in the depths of humility; and they did cry mightily to God; yea, even all the day long did they cry unto their God that he would^bdeliver them out of their afflictions.

 15 And now the Lord was ^aslow to hear their cry because of their iniquities; nevertheless the Lord did hear their^bcries, and began to soften the hearts of the Lamanites that they began to ease their burdens; yet the Lord did not see fit to deliver them out of bondage.

 16 And it came to pass that they began to prosper by degrees in the land, and began to raise grain more abundantly, and flocks, and herds, that they did not suffer with hunger.

     As I read these scriptures I couldn't help think that God being "slow to hear their cry because of their iniquities" wasn't a pride thing with the intention of "you didn't listen to me, so I am not going to listen to you".  No, He doesn't work like that.  I believe it was because He knew that is what these people needed to grow.  He didn't take their burdens from them, but He eased them.  He knew because of how slow they were to come to Him that they needed time to grow and become stronger.

Love,

     Becky joy

Courage or Fear? Mosiah 19

    We learn in 1 Nephi (and really all over the Book of Mormon) that when we keep the commandments of God we will "prosper in the land".

• 1 Nephi 2:20

  20 And inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments, ye shall prosper, and shall be led to a land of promise; yea, even a land which I have prepared for you; yea, a land which is choice above all other lands.
•      Mosiah chapter 19 made me sick.  The men were such COWARDS!  They left their women and their children and fledr for their own lives when the Lamanites came to attack them!  How sad is that??
•  11 Now it came to pass that the king commanded them that all the men should ^aleave their wives and their children, and flee before the Lamanites.
   12 Now there were many that would not leave them, but had rather stay and perish with them. And the rest left their wives and their children and fled.
•     I suppose I shouldn't be surprised (even though I still am) because they were wicked.  They knew the truth, but they rebelled against God and followed Satan.  God teaches that family is everything.  He knows our families will bring us the greatest joy.  Satan teaches to destroy the family, he causes contention and fear.  God prospers you in the land.  Satan fills you with fear, doubt, insecurity, and does not and cannot prosper you. 
•      Love,
•         Becky joy

Publishing Peace

Mosiah 15

 14 And these are ^athey who have published peace, who have brought good ^btidings of good, who have ^cpublishedsalvation; and said unto Zion: Thy God reigneth!

 15 And O how beautiful upon the mountains were their feet!

 16 And again, how beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those that are still publishing peace!

 17 And again, how beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those who shall hereafter publish peace, yea, from this time henceforth and forever!

     I am so thankful for the Savior and for all of the people who have made it possible for me to know Him.  I am  so thankful for a Living Prophet today who publishes peace and hold the keys of the priesthood.

      Because of this I am better able to make my home a Zion like place and a Temple.  I struggle with anxiety.  I have been praying to feel peace instead of pressure and my husband gave me a priesthood blessing.  During the blessing I was counseled to focus on my number one goal in this life and that is to become like the Savior.    

     So I tried.  I tried to hard not to raise my voice at my kiddies and be kind.  I tried really hard to keep my house clean.  I tried to make my scripture study better and my personal prayer better.  I even took my kids to the Temple and walked around the grounds, but I kept ignoring a recurring thought that kept coming to my mind, "make bread for your neighbors."

     Each day this came to my mind and each day I kept thinking, "I will do that tomorrow, I have no time today."  Then one day after feeling so stressed I started to pray and ask Heavenly Father what I was doing wrong.  Why did I not feel peace in my life when I paid a full tithe, I went to church, I pray, I read my scripture, etc....and as I was praying in my mind I was on my computer trying to navigate to lds.org where I would turn on a conference talk while I cleaned my kitchen when all the sudden the thought came to me, "make bread for your neighbors".

     Almost seconds after the thought came to my mind, I looked at the computer screen which was now at the website www.lds.org and one of the headings on the screen was about Service.  I realized right then that the Lord had been trying to tell me the whole time how to have peace and to be like the Savior, He was trying to tell me to serve!!

     I began to giggle because I felt silly and thankful all at the same time because I didn't get it before and I was so thankful the Lord takes time to deal with me even though I can be so slow sometimes.  

      The next day I made brownies for my neighbors (I figured that was just as good) and I made brownies for a girl I had seen that day who told me she was craving a treat.  The next day a friend  started to vent to me about how stressed she was because she had people coming over for dinner and she just learned she had to pick someone up from the airport.  I immediately saw this as a chance to serve and so I told her I would do it.  

      Can I share the result?  Peace.  I have been praying since to find a way to serve because service= peace.

Love,

      Becky joy

Sage's favorite thing to do are funny faces these days.